I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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