don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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