I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
