he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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