Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
