yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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