So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
