I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am naked and annoyed.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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