This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sext me about skeletons
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
