If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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