Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
