everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
