Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
