So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
