Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
