Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
