508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
