I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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