When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
