I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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