Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
