I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
