I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
