i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
