Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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