Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
