Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You are the jesus of drinking
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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