dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
