after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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