dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
