I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
