yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
