sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
