Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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