I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
