I think scott just propositioned me for sex
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize