Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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