I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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