I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Bring me that man meat
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
