so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
