My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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