Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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