Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
