So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
