It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
