Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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