im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
