Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
