I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
