I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize