Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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