So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
