I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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