you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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