Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
