there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
