Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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