so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
