She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
