I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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