no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
