so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
there is glitter all over my balls
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
