wakey wakey hands off snakey
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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