i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
