I puked a lego.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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