Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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