3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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