Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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