So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
