just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
