Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
