Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
