Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
that's an acceptable place to lick
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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