Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
