Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
As shirtless as possible
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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