I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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