Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Randomize
