if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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