I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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