Say something about gay babies.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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