I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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