Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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