If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
