All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
