Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
