Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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