In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
