I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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