Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
