we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
