If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
