god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
