for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
