...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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