I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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