My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
