dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
