There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
