i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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